One of the personal struggles that I had going into the shoot was not being blunt about my own sensuality and sexuality. Ironically, I write about these things in my short stories and poetry, but couldn’t be truthful about my own. I listened to people that told me what “a young lady” isn’t supposed to do when it came to sex and intimacy growing up. That led me to suppress my feelings. I felt guilty, ashamed and abnormal for having erotic, sexual thoughts.
This shoot wasn’t about trying to look pretty in front of a lens. It was about creating art through my emotions. I thought this would be a difficult feat because as a Scorpio, I tend to bottle everything inside. I know it’s rather unhealthy for my psyche. With Remy’s help, I took all of the guilt, the anger, the frustration, the desire, the hurt, the embarrassment, the depression and flipped it to where I used two of my characters from different stories I’d written to convey them through these images. Everything overwhelmed me so much to the point where I broke down and cried. It was then that I truly experienced my breakthrough.
After I viewed the images on his camera, it felt odd looking at me in this light. I was looking at another person. With all the body issues I had over the years, I learned that my legs are really great. My stomach doesn’t look bad at all after two pregnancies. Even though I normally wear makeup for photo shoots, this was the first time I didn’t wear any at all and I felt really, really beautiful. I fell in love with myself all over again and finally had my liberation.
Many thanks to remy the ECCENTRICsoul for believing in me to create the vision he had in mind.
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